My first notable animal-related dream since being in China and I dreamt of home, but not quite the home I remember. I was in my Wivenhoe house, which had been transplanted to Cooksbridge and there relocated to a cul-de-sac near where my dog groomer lives. It was a sunny day and I was in the living room playing on the Playstation whilst my daughter played upstairs by herself. A small song bird, a wagtail or some sort, came into the house through the dog flap. When I ushered it out, I saw that there was also a pigeon half in the dog flap, with its back to me. I got rid of that too and went back to my game. Soon I noticed another animal in the flap, facing out towards the front garden, with only its rear on display.
I mistook it for a cat, for a cat's hindleg it most certainly had, but when I got up to make it move, I saw a strange blue coloration running over its hindquarters. It turned so that I could see it in profile. It was a proboscis monkey, although one of its hindlegs remained that of a cat's. What was this improbable looking monkey doing in Cooksbridge, much less my property? I shouted to my daughter that I was going out to investigate, but I left the front door partly open. It was a blinding hot day, and I walked around to the front of the house, which communicated with the main road. Once there, I saw another creature squeezing through a hole beneath the boards that led to my cellar. What could it be?
I approached, my camera at the ready, sure that it was the proboscis monkey again. But what emerged was another species on monkey, a lion-tailed macaque. There must have been a whole bunch of them living under the house, using this hole as an entry point. The macaque sat on its arse and bared its sharp teeth at me before letting out a stomach rumbling growl. I backed slowly away, ill-equipped to defend myself against the onslaught of an enraged primate. It continued to growl threateningly, so I crossed the road to put some distance between myself and it. I couldn't return to the house whilst it remained, there was no way I could outrun it to the front door. All the while, it kept up its horrible growl.
Once across the road, I climbed onto the overpass at the railway station to get a better vantage point and take some photos for friends and family, who would never believe me otherwise. From my elevated position I was bewildered to discover more animals roaming the street. There were a couple of spotted hyenas skulking around, a giant panda with three cubs, and another bear of a similar size I could not correctly identify. An Andean or sun bear, perhaps. The two bears began to fight. The normally placid panda, in defence of its cubs, fastened its jaws to the neck of the unidentified bear and I heared a crunch as bones were ground. An old man joined me on the bridge and I pointed out the fight. He did not seem overly surprised by the sudden appearance of exotic animals in the village.
A smaller type of monkey, a vervet or spider monkey, scampered up the stairs to the bridge, so I descended on the opposite side before it could reach me, all the while talking the old man's ear off about how all this had started. I needed to get back to the house, where my daughter was left alone, but the only way to do so would be to take a long detour through the back fields. I made it through an alleyway and came out on the other end to see the farmer's field tranformed into a vista of mostly African animals. There was an elephant with its calf, a herd of zebras, lots of ostriches, a couple of okapi, some antelopes, a hippo mauling the other animals, and duelling bears wearing boxing gloves. Sticking to the perimeter fence, I began to edge around the field, hoping none would notice me.
About halfway across, I reached an upright red beanbag (like the kind found hanging in fun houses) which I could safely hide behind. I dragged it along with me, keeping myself hidden from the animals. But I did not see the lioness stalking me. She attacked from the side, accompanied by her young cub. I thrust the beanbag at her, trying to protect myself from her jaws and claws. The youngster was mewling for milk, getting in the way and providing a distraction. But the lioness was not to be deterred, and she pressed the attack. Again I blocked the worst with the beanbag, but I she was too strong and it was only a matter of time before she got a lethal grip on me. I wasn't going to make it... Luckily I woke up at that moment.
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